Living With A Brain Injury

At this point, I do not remember what day it is, but all I know is that I woke up in ICU (intensive care unit if you do not watch enough hospital shows) and I was thinking to myself ¨what is going on¨. I couldn’t move , an IV stuck in my arm, I couldn’t recall all the drugs they had me on but I knew they made me very drowsy. The nurses told me what happen but since I was so high out my mind; of course I didn’t remember. I was told I would be in the ICU a few days but would have to start rehab afterwards. It was so tough at that moment because of what my mind was going through. All I could do was sit alone with my thoughts, and depression began to rapidly rear it’s ugly head. 

Now all I wondered more so than anything was “when would I die”. Here, another few days had gone by and I hadn’t eaten. Here is where I was told some type of tube was placed through my nose, down the back of my throat and into my stomach to feed me; so even more paranoia set in. The tube (which is called an NG tube, that stands for Nasogastric) was very uncomfortable to say the least. 

I was terrified for my life and convinced they were going to kill me. I felt as though the medicine was not working and I just wanted to go home. 

I think one of the scariest parts of being in the ICU was all the hustle and bustle of it. Mind you, I was told I had a stroke before I passed out again, so my mind was trying to process and catch up. The nurses were coming in, taking blood & administering glucose testing (this test is where they have this small hand held machine that pokes your fingers for blood to check your blood sugar levels) every six hours, taking me for scans every hour, and no one would tell me anything. They were just moving as fast as possible; no wonder I felt like I was going to die. Being poked and prodded in that way felt like complete torture, & there was nothing I could do but lay there. I truly felt like it was the end, & apart of me was frozen in fear. 

Now, just like that the ICU went from days to 1 whole week and again all I can do was lay there alone thanks to hospital COVID policies. So mid January to early February was horrible but the rest of the year was the time to focus and move on right?……Right?