Living With A Brain Injury

So here I am…back at the hospital and I’m in a better space mentally but I’m still ready to go home. It’s been months and I’m just tired of it all but there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. I don’t know what’s there but I see it. I know in my mind I’m not ready yet I just continue with what is necessary for me which was nasty hospital food and rehab. It is just grueling day in and day out; and to think: one day I’m an individual doing it all, then the next day my entire body wouldn’t move at all. My mind wanted to do one thing but my body said “nah…not today”. It was a complete total mind fuck (no pun intended) and I was just so unsure about myself and life as I knew it.  

This made me think of so many things I took for granted in life but I told myself I will get them back eventually. I literally had to relearn everything which was the craziest thing ever but I knew with time I could do it. There was one thing I began to learn and became grateful for and that was PATIENCE!. It is something I still battle  with but definitely have more appreciation for it. Sitting in that hospital bed day in and day out & doing therapy really taught me to be patient. I learned to be patient with my body but my mind was so reluctant to hear that. There was so much of a disconnect it really made me think this is my life going forward. 

I didn’t know what to think really; half the time I felt like my brain was stuck. I literally didn’t know what to think most days. I felt like all I knew was that I was just in this repetitive routine that I was no longer sure would ever end. So the good news was that I would be discharged soon (early June) which was cool but the bad news was that they saw more work needed to be done. Even though I was making progress they felt I needed to continue outpatient therapy. At this point I was just pissed my body was not responding like I thought it would. I was just ready to go and figure it out on my own time. Who knew going home would be my toughest fight ever.