Living With A Brain Injury

It is now June and I’m finally home. Words couldn’t describe how happy I was to be home. To sleep in my own bed, see my kitchen, my desk and my own bathroom. To look outside and see my truck and how warm it was. It felt great but short lived because I had to continue therapy. Mentally I was exhausted and just wanted a longer break. I wasn’t asking for an extended/long break…just wanted to savor being home a bit more but I couldn’t and just like that I started to see the mental effect this had but too bad my mind didn’t know better. I kept doing my therapy like it was nothing but deep down I wanted to be done because I thought it would not help. I started at a stage where I was ready to do what I need to do but now I was like there’s nothing more I can do so just let me be. I didn’t realized at first but I was just depressed. I didn’t want to do anything. Didn’t care to do therapy, play video games, get fresh air, nothing!! I just wanted to be left alone. I didn’t know it was unhealthy for me mentally. I kept going through the days like I normally do but everyday felt like a struggle for me. I kept wondering “how long before I will be normal again?” “When will I be an individual again?”. After a while I just really did not care and life as I knew it was over. My life could end the next day and I was ok with that because my life didn’t matter and who would care. Day in and day out was a constant struggle for me mentally and I just did not know how to handle it.  However, there were several things that helped me and that was mental therapy and the word of God. Both put me in a better space mentally and from there I knew things would get better but it would take time.  I began to understand how much I needed to change my mindset and put in the work physically to make changes. But maaaaan that was so hard. It was such a struggle and created a constant battle within myself. I literally had days where I was like “ima do this” and I had days where I was like “nah I’m good”. This is where I began to learn so much about mental fatigue. It is definitely something I was unaware of and how much an effect it can have on you mentally and physically.